This middle adulthood moment that I’m having has got me extra full of reflections in 2024, and somehow they do not possess the “crisis” quality that many of our cultural narratives suggest will be the case in mid-life. I joked with friends about how approaching 50 years (I’m not quite there yet…) and yet still embracing this dog-eat-dog world with a “joie de vivre” seems mostly miraculous. In fact, last year, I went back to school, y’all, and being in a second graduate school program at my age feels like I have died and been reborn in some kind of mid-life heaven. Somehow, magically, and thankfully, because of replenished resources like time (for reflection, life re-evaluation and study), a more stable income, an energy store from years of self-care, and enthusiasm for learning – I am still curious and eager to grow – even, while continuing to work full-time as a Health teacher in NYC. This feat feels formidable considering the dark social/political/pandemic toxic stress stupor that I have been recovering from, even as heartbreaking chaos continues occurring in our world.

Perspective Changes Everything

One poignant and perspective-shifting insight that has made all this possible occurred to me during this past Christmas week I spent with my parents in Milwaukee. In middle adulthood, to have two older parents who are both still alive and relatively nearby is a gift. This is something that neither of my parents had at my age. I do not come from a family of octogenarians or centenarians. On the contrary: three of my grandparents had passed away by the time my parents were middle-aged from health conditions quite common in Black communities, like: hypertension, stroke, and heart disease, while my maternal grandfather returned to Louisiana when my mother was a teenager and became distant emotionally and physically thereafter. Yet, during the holidays, I suddenly felt deep gratitude to have senior loved ones who now illuminate my life as guides and touchstones for the changing stages of life. The perspective they give inspires awe of the journey my life has taken and the way that bumps, bruises, mistakes and edits can transform into gifts and teachable moments and direct how I will choose to live my remaining years. My parents’ aging and senior experience, my own ability to reflect on where I have been, who I am now, and where I aim to go next, all help shape how I live right here and now.

Accurately Measuring a Life Lived

My values – my North Star – direct and measure my baseline contentment and always have. One value I have embraced since college (when I had my first flirtation with a disruptive period of prolonged heavy-heartedness) is authenticity – walking a path that is uniquely my own – and feeling happy, proud and like I am improving according to my personal inner compass and measuring stick. Since those early young adult years, I habitually ask myself: If I died tomorrow, would I be happy about the life I have lived? My answer for nearly 30 years has yet to be anything other than, “Yes.” During many periods of my life, I have had to be my own cheerleader. I have had to become my own parent, and at times, reparent myself, too. So simply waking up and knowing that the consistent joy I feel, in spite of challenging experiences, is always cause for jubilation, and I am deeply proud. There is so much more I hope to experience and even accomplish, but in middle-age, what feels like wisdom is knowing exactly how to have a great time along the way to getting there. And my journey is always interesting when I’m really paying attention because no one but me has ever been on it.

Daily Mind-Body Maintenance Is A Must

Another measure and lifeline for me has been a regular yoga practice since I was twenty-two years old. Daily mind-body maintenance – which shifts and changes year after year – has been critical for my overall health for nearly 30 years. Taking a minute or two to breathe deeply, or an hour or two for a brisk walk home instead of riding the subway, offers daily opportunities for “self-study”. Essentially, I inquire of myself: “How am I today?” “Am I feeling healthy?” or “What do I need right now?” I observe myself to find the answers. Doing this makes me aware of the daily shifts in my physical, emotional and social state. It helps override that neurotic impulse to move thoughtlessly or aggressively onto the next thing, too. Instead, I practice self-care by addressing my moment to moment, changing needs. And again, here is where I find contentment and perpetual fascination because every day without fail, I am a different. Middle-age is not a crisis after all, y’all. In fact, like every single I take, mid-life is an opportunity to begin again and see with fresh perspective.